bluemorgan (bluemorgan) wrote in closetgoths,
bluemorgan
bluemorgan
closetgoths

Introdution Post

I don't know how to LJ cut before anyone tells me this is too long.

Anyway, Iike I said; This is going to be long because I have some things to get off my chest. So, after years of jumping from community to community, I find myself joining yet another one. Ironically, I had sworn to never join an online community again. I'm talking more about the goth communities, because I have no problems in the other communties I've joined. Everytime I try to join a goth community, I never stay around for long because I'm either ran off for being "not goth enough" or I eventually leave on my own because I got tired of the "gothier than thou" attitude.

I'm now a 20 year old African American woman who has been around the online goth "scene" since I was 15. I have become disillusioned with the goth scene. So much that I can no longer go by the label that I used to so proudly wear. I thought the goth scene was about being "open-minded". That you were free to be yourself and that others in the scene will accept you for being you. But that is all a bunch of bull. All the goth scene is a fashion contest of who can dress in the gothiest oufit and think they are "so goth" that they feel the need to call anyone a poser because apparently to be a "true goth" you have to follow a list of "rules".  They're no different from the so- called "conformists" they claim to hate and seperate themselves from.

I joined this community because I feel that it describes me perfectly. I dress in goth fashion and collect gothic themed accessories.  I also have some interests that are considered gothic such as my love for Tim Burton films. I also love vampires and anything else that's seen as "dark and creepy".  However, I can't stand goth music. It just doesn't have any feeling to me. The closest I listen to goth music is gothic metal. While I am cynical and somewhat sarcastic, I *gasps* enjoy living and having fun instead of whining about "conformists". I *gasps* like some mainstream music instead of limiting myself to just goth music. I *gasps* wear color in my wardrobe. I even wear *gasps*PINK and I *gasps even more* LIKE it.  

To be honest, stereotypically speaking I'm more of a "geek" than a "goth", but I just don't care anymore. I'm tired to trying to label myself because I'm just limiting self like that and I've realized that I'm just a living example that people can't be fully defined by labels. But we all know that there will still be people who will try to slap us in a box (we can't escape it), so when asked I reply that "I'm alternative" because that is the easiest yet vague way to describe me. I don't fit in with most of mainstream society, but I'm not "freak enough" for the freaks. I'm just me. No more trying fight stereotypes or fit in to one.  I go my own way now. I don't care what people think of me anymore.

I've been watching this community for a while before I decided to finally join and from what I see none of you care either. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in my being a "closet goth".

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